


A Letter

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Immortality, Magic, Merlin & Morgana Friendship (Merlin), Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Merlin's not doing great, Protective Arthur, Protective Knights (Merlin), Screw Destiny, Secrets, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:47:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25258684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: Merlin's got an awful plan, to sacrifice his immortality to ensure nobody else ever gets hurt by Destiny.
Relationships: Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 263





	1. Dying

Morgana paused in the doorway, unsure if she should continue. If she did this, there would be no going back. No way to turn around, to shove the truth back into the box. She’d expose her best friend, the one that saved her from the dark, and break everything they had between them. She’d risk losing him.

But if she didn’t, then Merlin was going to die. Either by his own hand, or by the guilt that ate him up until he did something so stupid, so risky, that it got him killed. Morgana might hurt Merlin so badly he did not trust her any longer, but he’d be alive. It was far better than the alternative.

She didn’t bother knocking, could hear Arthur and the Knights laughing from outside his Chambers. His head rose, a goblet of wine in his hand, and Morgana steeled her expression.

‘Sister, is something the matter?’ The box in her hand was heavy, felt like the burden of her Magic when she’d hidden it during Uther’s reign. A secret that she was supposed to be keeping, yet it needed to break free. This lying, the hiding of truths and running away from darkness, it would get Merlin killed.

‘I have nothing else I can do.’ She whispered, aware her hands were shaking, and that tears were spilling down her cheeks. The Knights had fallen silent, Arthur rising from his chair in concern. Arthur was so well protected, just as she was, by the Warlock that right now, was doing something very stupid.

‘Morgana, whatever it is…’ She placed the box down, swallowed down her fear and rose her head to face her brother, eyes glowing golden as the box unlocked. She lifted the lid, reaching inside for the tied parchment that she had found.

‘It’s Merlin.’ Even though she had only read it once, Morgana knew she could remember every word, every single drop of pain that went in to constructing the truths that were clearly written out in front.

‘Merlin? Is he…’ Gwaine, oh Goddess he looked so worried, and she could barely stand to look at him. It was not his fault, he had not realised what he’d done, none of them had. Nobody realised how much Merlin was hurting, until he did something so very dangerous. She offered out the papers, watched as Arthur reached for them and looked down at the familiar scrawl.

‘I think he’s going to die.’

**

_They say that Destiny is something that cannot be changed or shaped, that it is a path I have to follow until completion. It is what everyone keeps saying, the words that Gaius utters, that Kilgharrah keeps drilling in until there is nothing else that I can believe._

_I’m meant to protect Arthur, no matter the cost. That should be simple, but the King seems to have a habit of falling onto swords and attracting danger, which was why I knew my luck was running out. I’d already changed Destiny too many times, stopped Morgana from turning to the dark, prevented Mordred from ever having the chance to kill Arthur. One too many changes, and now I have no way of predicting the next threat._

_Unless there was a spell, something that could be performed to keep them safe for eternity. If the Lake of Avalon could protect Freya, could keep her body stabilised and maintain her life in such a way, then it could do the same for those in Camelot. All of them, every person that gets close enough to me to become threatened by Destiny._

_It was something Gwaine said, that made me think of the idea. That, considering my abilities as a Warlock, I should be able to craft the world to how I want it. Gwaine, of course, was talking about me making him some more apple pies. But the bigger picture was clear, my Magic could be used to protect Arthur, to keep Morgana safe as she trained. To keep the Knights of Camelot from getting injured every time they went outside the Castle Walls._

_I’m supposed to be immortal. I kept that secret from everyone, Gaius included, because it hurts to know that I will grow old. That, one day, it will be just me and Freya left. Even Aithusa will eventually grow old, Dragons don’t live forever._

_That much energy, all that power that is put into me being immortal, what if I could change it? Shift it away from me, and onto those in Camelot? A beacon, of sorts, to ward off evil and protect Camelot right from the centre?_

_After all, Arthur can find a new manservant. It’s not like I’m actually very good at my job, I spend far too much time outside of the Castle Walls to do jobs effectively._

_If this works, then by the time this is found, it’ll be by Freya. We’re going to the Perilous Lands, into the Veil between life and death, to try and offer out my immortality in exchange for protection. If I’m successful, then this can be given to Arthur. Or Morgana._

_I need them to know how sorry I am, that they had to suffer so badly because of the Destiny that fell upon their shoulders. That I should have done more, to stop the pain that both of you felt._

_If I don’t see you again in this life, I really do hope I see you in the next._

**

‘Are you sure about this?’ Freya questioned, looking across at him. Merlin had always thought the Perilous lands were sandy and dead, or at least that was what the law stated. Instead, he was surrounded by thick trees and vines that hung from them, plants that glowed like they were poisonous and creatures with far too many eyes to be normal. Magic, pulsating out in the land around him.

‘If I am the child of Magic, then she has to hear me.’ He looked to the Veil in front, to the split he had created to border this World with the next. Hopefully, whatever was on the other side would be understanding of the fact he was giving up his immortality to protect Camelot.

‘And if she does not?’ Freya looked terrified, her skin paler than usual and her dark eyes focused on the tear. She had admitted that she did not know what happened after this, whether or not Merlin would even be able to survive the Veil between the Worlds. Nobody else had, so Merlin was pretty sure this was a one-way trip.

‘Then you must keep Arthur safe. Complete Morgana’s training.’ He’d lost far too many people, good people, to even consider changing his mind now. Everyone around him, they were poisoned by Destiny, fell into traps by those that would seek harm against them. If his life could stop all that agony, then Merlin would die a thousand times to see it happen.

‘I promise.’ Freya swore, and Merlin turned to press a kiss to her forehead. She was not quite the woman he had been ready to run away with, had an ethereal presence around her that reminded him that she wasn’t really his first love anymore.

‘Then I hope to see you again.’ Merlin stated firmly, before he stepped over the threshold between life and death.


	2. Resurrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasty

They were riding out of Camelot when they saw it. A gold shimmer, a dome slowly encasing Camelot, the horses skidding to a halt as it descended over the Castle. Arthur watched as it hit the ground, before it promptly vanished.

‘He did it.’ Morgana whispered, sounding so very afraid. Arthur was still caught up on the fact that his manservant was somehow a sorcerer, that the presence of whatever this dome was meant that Merlin was gone.

Dead.

‘No.’ Gwaine muttered, before he said it again, louder, broken. Arthur turned to face Morgana, to ask her if there was any way they had misinterpreted the Magic. But his sister was crying, soft sobs that shook her frame as they looked out across Camelot.

They were too late.

**

Merlin was pretty sure he was dead. Or something similar to it, because he didn’t actually have a body. That was weird in itself, drifting around and looking to Camelot as the gold descended. It wasn’t his immortality, because he was still here. It wasn’t his power, because he could still feel his Magic bubbling around him.

It was something else entirely. He moved, if that was even possible, in the direction that his heart took him. Strangely, that was away from the Castle, and he was unsure of why until he saw the horses. Until he saw Arthur, and Morgana, and Gwaine. The Knights. His friends and family, all of them looking broken.

Was that because of him?

_They need you more than you think, Emrys_

He’d entered the Veil, but he was still here. Standing in the land of the living, looking to the Once and Future King, wondering why Arthur was staring right at him. Through him? Merlin had no body, that was quite clear, but the King was dismounting.

‘Merlin?’ He could see him. The others couldn’t, they looked confused, lost in a way that hurt Merlin more than stepping through into darkness.

It had hurt. It felt like he was being ripped apart, being snatched from his body, which he was pretty sure was still in the Perilous Lands. Dead, but standing here and looking right at Arthur.

‘Arthur, he’s gone.’ Morgana whispered, and Merlin took another step towards Arthur.

_You’re more powerful than you could ever imagine_

He was imagining. Had felt it, the moment he was split into two different forms.

‘Arthur.’ His voice may not have reached the others, but Arthur could hear him.

‘Magic.’ The King responded, glancing back to the Castle, then to Merlin. The Warlock tensed up, ready for the rejection of showing his Magic to the King of Camelot, but he found no hints of anger. Just confusion, a slight sliver of betrayal.

‘I couldn’t lose you.’ Merlin whispered. He’d lost too many people, all of them dying because of him. It was only a matter of time before Arthur joined them, before he lost everything he held dear. Arthur was his King, his Destiny, and he’d tried to protect him.

‘You won’t.’ Arthur stated firmly, before stretching his hand out.

_Your protection won’t fade, Emrys_

Merlin was careful, slowly tried to focus all his energy onto the hand reaching for him, until he managed to touch the warm skin of someone living.

He heard people shouting, confusion as he was made solid, but Merlin was too busy dealing with the fact that he was being brought back from the Veil.

And it hurt.

**

Arthur could have laughed in relief when Merlin’s hand hit his, when the grip was firm. But the moment Merlin became solid, more than the _feeling_ Arthur had seen previously, he saw the pain.

Then he heard it, Merlin’s scream of agony as the man became solid, as he stumbled blindly into Arthur and the King clutched at him.

When they both dropped to the floor, it was Arthur that sought out Merlin’s neck, reaching for the pulse and trying to see if it was real.

A steady beat, faint, but there. Merlin was alive, even if he was currently unconscious, and he looked back to Morgana.

She’d dismounted her horse, stood in front of him with shock in her eyes, staring at the sorcerer slumped in Arthur’s arms.

‘He’s alive.’

**

He had to deal with a lot of shouting. With Arthur telling him he was an idiot, of Morgana slapping him and then promptly lunging at him and not letting go. Gwaine was mostly silent, just kept close enough that he could occasionally reach across, would hold Merlin’s wrist and check the pulse, like he couldn’t quite believe that he was alive.

Gaius scolded him as well, as did Gwen. In fact, after they had finished threatening him with a promise of locking him in the dungeons so he could come to no harm, Merlin was left alone for a short while.

It gave the Warlock time to call for Freya, to watch as she appeared in the bathtub he dragged out to provide a tethering point for her. He checked the door, looked back to his friend.

‘I’m not human.’ He concluded, knowing that nobody should have survived the Veil. Freya watched him curiously, before shrugging.

‘You here what they call me. A Goddess.’ He had. In fact, he encouraged the rumours, it would help keep the Lake protected. It would help keep her safe.

‘Then what am I?’ He questioned, watching as she smiled at him gently.

‘What you always were. You’re Merlin.’

Even if it didn’t make sense to him then, he’d have a group of people to keep reminding him of it as time passed.

And who cared, if Merlin no longer needed words to command his Magic? Nobody questioned it when he walked into bandit camps and took them out with nothing more than a flick of golden in his eyes.

Because Merlin was alive, and he was still very much the friend they had lost.

Merlin was just glad that he’d done exactly as he wished, kept Arthur and their friends safe.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from


End file.
